Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
