it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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