Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i need some magic done to my vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize