he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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