Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
