before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
