Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thus making me awesome and them whores
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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