I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
