i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
