Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
