i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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