she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
