Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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