It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
