we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
