We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
