The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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