I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
