Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
