You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
