My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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