Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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