Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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