I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
