my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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