there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
