I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
