He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
