god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
