Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
