I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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