a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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