Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
