My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
