Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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