i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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