a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
