There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
