By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
