remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
