oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
