I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
