I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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