Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
