are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
