I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
