I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
