Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
