Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
