kristin has been a bad kristin
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
