I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
