One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
