Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
