We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
