he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
