We're like a lot better than the average bears
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
