I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
