I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
