he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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