32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
