census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
