I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
MIDGETS
????
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
