im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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