He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
