I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
