it wasn't lemon gatorade
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
