Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
