If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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