i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize